I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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