i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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