Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
