Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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