Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found a bag of teeth...
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They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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