its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
