As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
