So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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