So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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