I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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