i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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