I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
