He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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