You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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