Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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