I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
