great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
