i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
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My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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