And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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