its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we should paint friendship bongs
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