I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My first STD was from a foam party
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
