yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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