I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
