If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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