I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need to calm my uterus...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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