I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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