i just snorted my name. best moment ever
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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