I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
