Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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