My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We need to rekindle our bromance
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
