Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
