8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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