I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
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When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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