I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
