I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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