All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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