I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
