Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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