Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he thought i was a dude.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
