I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
