You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
