I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ladies don't puke and tell
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
