I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
