I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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