you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
