"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
