I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
