also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
