the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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