I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
