After last night, I could never be a politician.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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