my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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