Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
