please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
