Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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