she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
