I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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