seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Actions speak louder than pants.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
