when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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