Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
