I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
