everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
