Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
handjob tips. give me some.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
