I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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