dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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