I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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