im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
