You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
