My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
