Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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