But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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